My favorite way to process things is through writing. Whether in poem form, in the form of longer texts, or in the form of letters to myself or my loved ones. When my feelings are allowed to flow onto paper, they become really tangible for me that way. The last weeks were full of many new experiences, full of long days, full of learning and experiencing, full of beautiful things and full of stress, but most of all full. That's why I didn't really manage to take the time to reflect.
To take the time to let my feelings flow on paper and process what I experienced.
Now I want to take that time and share it with you.
2022, where do I start? Tears immediately come to my eyes because 2022 was a very special year for me. One of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful year. A year of catharsis, my personal "phoenix from the ashes" year.
I don't know how many external and internal changes took place last year, but I do know that they all contributed to me feeling closer to myself than ever before.
I pull a tarot year card every year on New Year's Eve with my best friends and my card for 2022 was the High Priestess.
An excerpt from the card's description reads:
"Trust your intuition. Pay attention to your inner voice, which will guide you at the right time to the places and people that are important to you now."
(translated from: Hajo Banzhaf, "Gut beraten mit Tarot")
Looking back, my year probably could not have been described more aptly. For the first time, I really listened to my inner voice without compromise. I left supposed securities behind and decided to really be me.
Starting with the yoga teacher training and my time in Sri Lanka, where I was allowed to learn so much about myself. A chance to show myself as I am to all the new people I was privileged to meet. Without hiding behind my accomplishments and academic success. I really showed myself as Emma for the first time and the feeling of being accepted, appreciated and respected as I am by people who are still complete strangers was priceless.
This is also where the concrete plan to create naemmaste was born, and I was encouraged to apply for psychology studies.
After that, the process of creating naemmaste began, collecting ideas and writing texts and planning the website with dear Jana. At the same time, I applied for a place to study psychology and was finally accepted in July. I still remember how I almost burst with joy. This feeling of freedom, to finally be allowed to go my way, and then to somehow get the confirmation from the universe by getting one of the few places.
Since October, I have been studying now and at the same time I have also been allowed to share naemmaste with you since October and when I look back on the last few months, I am proud and grateful.
I, like probably most of us, have in sometimes gotten lost in thoughts like: "I need to do this better. I don't have enough time for my business, enough time for my job, and enough time for my studies. I have to keep at it. What if soon no one comes to my yoga classes or horoscope readings?".
But let's be honest, it's just absolutely wonderful that I'm allowed to walk this path at all, and you are the confirmation that the path is the right one. Every single yoga class, every single birth chart, every single exchange with all the people I was allowed to meet through naemmaste in the last months is the confirmation of that and fills me with gratitude.
Every single lecture in which I sit and marvel at all that I am allowed to learn and how fascinating the human psyche is, is confirmation of this.
To really stand by myself 100%, to really do what I want to do and be the person I want to be, is a decision every day anew and a challenge every day anew. And my entire inner development over the last three years has honestly been extremely challenging and exhausting, but it has been 100% worth it.
Three years ago, I felt more alien to myself than I ever had. My world felt like one mountain of instability and I questioned my own intuition, my understanding of people, and my entire worldview. The chaos and uncertainty that then erupted on the outside due to the pandemic exactly mirrored my inner state. Looking back, there was a huge gift hidden in it: the chance to free myself from all prejudices and expectations towards myself. The chance to really learn to listen to my intuition and my inner voice. And slowly but surely I am back to myself.
Also, the decision to finally take therapy myself, even though I always tell everyone else to do it, was worth its weight in gold and I would now tell everyone else to do it even more.
Above all, thinking about all the trips I was able to experience this year fills me with deep gratitude. Sri Lanka, Ireland, Portugal, Canada. Each of the trips triggered something in me, each of the trips brought me closer to myself and made me feel life to the fullest.
In January 2022, I was still struggling through my physics master's thesis, and now here I am.
I look back with gratitude on the past year, on every single moment, no matter how beautiful or difficult, because each moment led to the next moment and then finally to this moment now.
I am proud of all that I have accomplished, but more importantly, I am proud of the person I am and always have been. I am proud of myself, regardless of accomplishments, regardless of external recognition.
And I am glad that I am allowed to go through life with me, that I will be by my side forever.
I wish you a moment of gratitude, a moment to pause, and a moment to be proud. Of you, just for being who you are.
And no matter what 2022 has meant to you, or all that has happened, you are here now. And that alone is a reason to celebrate.
This moment now, when you are breathing and feeling and being and being allowed to live.
I am proud of you, and I am incredibly grateful that you are here and accompanying me for a little while on my journey.
Have a reflective Christmas season and a conscious start into the new year and all the moments not yet experienced that are waiting for you.
Emma
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